Having spent most of the last two years on the daily ACIM lessons, it is not my intent to focus my writing on them, but today’s just happens to reinforce where my energies are lately: I am determined to see. I have been making a concerted effort to notice when I am filtering through ego – which, as it turns out, is often; most of the time even. Even though there is a part of me that thinks it has come a long way and that I am superior in my abilities, just the idea of superiority and comparison is an outright ego trick and not to be trusted. And while I may indeed be making progress (I would hope so, anyway), it is clear that I don’t really see. Or as today’s lesson states, “ Today’s idea also tacitly implies the recognition that you do not see now. “
Today’s lesson tells me, “You want salvation. You want to be happy. You want peace. You do not have them now, because your mind is totally undisciplined, and you cannot distinguish between joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, love and fear. You are now learning how to tell them apart. And great indeed will be your reward.”
Today’s lesson is not one of my default responses to upsets, but perhaps it should be. Clearly, if my intention is to relinquish judgment then I need to quit looking to ego for answers. Ego doesn’t know anything. Ego can’t teach me anything. “You do not know the meaning of anything you perceive. Not one thought you hold is wholly true. The recognition of this is your firm beginning. You are not misguided; you have accepted no guide at all. Instruction in perception is your great need, for you understand nothing. Recognize this but do not accept it, for understanding is your inheritance. Perceptions are learned, and you are not without a Teacher. Yet your willingness to learn of Him depends on your willingness to question everything you learned of yourself, for you who learned amiss should not be your own teacher.
“4 No one can withhold truth except from himself. Yet God will not refuse you the Answer He gave. Ask, then, for what is yours, but which you did not make, and do not defend yourself against truth. You made the problem God has answered. Ask yourself, therefore, but one simple question:
I am determined to see.
What I’ve noticed lately is how constantly I narrate. I tell myself (or rather ego tells me) what it thinks is happening. But this is not seeing. This is filtering. What I have been noticing lately is that filtering through ego is my half-assed attempt to control what is happening. It’s like ego is whispering, “Hey buddy! Did you see that [fill in the blank]?,” after which it tells me what I should think about that something. In other words, it’s a backdoor way of judging.
Since I am paying attention to the narration, I am noticing that it is a lot like meditating – a thought comes up and I have to consciously push it aside. That thought, of course, gives rise to the thought that I suck at meditation and there I am, back at judgment.
The good news is that intention matters. The good news is that really all it takes is willingness. “What you desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in the world.”
The question is, do I want to keep filtering through ego or do I truly want to see, because, as the Course tells us, “What you desire, you will see.”
Ego wants to see guilt and filters accordingly. God sees innocence.
“We have already said that wishful thinking is how the ego deals with what it wants, to make it so. There is no better demonstration of the power of wanting, and therefore of faith, to make its goals seem real and possible. Faith in the unreal leads to adjustments of reality to make it fit the goal of madness. The goal of sin induces the perception of a fearful world to justify its purpose. What you desire, you will see. And if its reality is false, you will uphold it by not realizing all the adjustments you have introduced to make it so.”
So, I set my intention on seeing. I set my intention of letting go of the filtering. I am determined to see.
Let it be always through Christ’s vision.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.