I have had many, many conversations about resistance. Ego wants to tell me that if I feel resistance towards doing something that I should just forget about it and do something else. But that’s a problem because the work we are here to do is the work that we will feel the most resistance towards.
Steven Pressfield says in Do the Work, “Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.*”
Which is probably why I still resist writing and meditating on a daily basis. In fact, I think I need to use that as my new barometer for figuring out what I really need to be doing. The more resistance I feel, the more I know that I need to ignore that feeling as a convert ego operation; its sole purpose is to divert me from my path.
I am still reading The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and I am learning that those areas where I still feel resistance are the ones that ego has cleverly convinced me to ignore. It tells me, I don’t need to heal it, I just need to protect it. There is a nebulous anxiety that has paired itself with that corner of my consciousness and despite all of my Course work, I have not yet burrowed through to the true source of my fear.
Which is ego’s ingenious way of keeping it in place.
Singer says, “You can have a different relationship with your mind. Whenever it starts up telling you what you should or shouldn’t do in order to get the world to match your preconceived concepts, don’t listen.**”
As I was reading Singer’s book this morning, I noticed that I no longer worry about what people think of me or if they like me. I know who I am, so none of that fazes me anymore, but what I DO get anxious about is money. I mean, it’s much less than it was a couple of years ago, but it is clear to me that I sabotage myself and feel enormous resistance towards doing the things that will help me to be successful. When I have a deal that is about to close, it takes major positive self-talk (and major reliance of the Holy Spirit) to keep myself from panicking a little. There is a fear that grips me and I have to consciously stop my mind from running down Terror Alley. It’s probably only because I facilitate A Course in Miracles every week and do the lessons daily that I manage to stop ego in its tracks. I recognize that it is bullshit. I usually hear this line from the Course in my head (because I listen to it while driving): “The correction of fear is your responsibility. When you ask for release from fear, you are implying that it is not. ”
By now, I know better than to ask the Holy Spirit to endorse my illusions.
Today’s ACIM lesson is I am determined to see things differently. The lesson is geared toward letting go of anger and consequently justification for attack, but it could just as easily be applied to fear. What Singer’s book is teaching me is that when there is something that is psychologically painful, that ego (mind in his terms) will do everything it can to build a wall around that pain so it doesn’t get touched. That is what resistance is. Singer says, “What you’ll see is that your mind is always telling you that you have to change something outside in order to solve your inner problem.” Ego/mind tells the lie that “if only…” is the solution. “If only I won the lottery.” “If only he wasn’t such an asshole.” “If only my kids would listen to me.” “If only I lost 50 pounds.” Etc., etc. I have recognizes for a long time that the answer is not “out there.”
Yet somehow, I failed to realize that every time I listened to ego and gave in to the impulse to resist, I was trying to protect myself from feeling some psychological pain. I was inadvertently making it harder by backburnering the problem.
These things don’t go away, they just become more painful to deal with.
Singer says, “The body is communicating through its universal language: pain. Your psyche is communicating through its universal language: fear.”
When I read that, I suddenly understood that the body IS a communication device and although I think of it as being ego’s tool, I now realize that pain is really the same thing as the fear – they are indicators of what needs to be healed. (“Remember that the Holy Spirit interprets the body only as a means of communication. 2 Being the Communication Link between God and His separated Sons, the Holy Spirit interprets everything you have made in the light of what He is.”)
Singer says, “The signs of the body breaking are pain and weakness The signs of the psyche breaking are underlying fear and incessant neurotic thought. ” Thanks to the Course, I am good at dealing with incessant neurotic thoughts, but I do have resistance. Pressfield says, “Resistance is not out to get you personally. It doesn’t know who you are and doesn’t care. Resistance is a force of nature. It acts objectively.”
It is the call to healing. It is the call for love.
“I am determined to see thing differently.” I am willing to heal. I don’t need to eradicate the fear. I don’t need to eliminate the resistance. It will still come up because that its JOB – to show me what I need to do.
I am here to do the work. Singer says, “The truth is, everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that’s the only time everything will be okay.”
Resistance is just the signpost. I don’t need to ignore it – I just need to remember what it’s really telling me.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.
*Pressfield, Steven. Do the Work (Kindle Locations 111-112). The Domino Project/Black Irish Entertainment. Kindle Edition.
**Singer, Michael A.. The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself (p. 94). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.