(From yesterday’s writing)
“Reality is never frightening,” begins today’s review lesson. I am trying to get over something I made up. “I am upset because I see what is not there.” Yesterday, I found myself repeating over and over, I am never upset for the reason I think. I had begun the descent into fear and allowed past traumas to color my present moment. Even as I noticed myself feeling upset and wanting nothing more than to run away from it (why the hell am I in real estate? People get so emotional!), I knew that my task was to learn to sit with the feelings and not allow myself to feel frightened. I needed to trust fall, past illusions and into the arms of Reality, where all is peaceful and I don’t need to fret over changing things.
It’s still not comfortable.
I was so grateful to have my class last night. By the time I left, I felt whole again. Of course, this morning, fear is back at the door. Fear always seems to show up when there is money in the equation. Someday, I would like to be so rich that none of that matters. Even now, I find myself thinking that I could give up my commission and have this settled in a heartbeat, and I know I would still be okay, but it doesn’t set well with me to have it cost me money to list a house and not make anything (even though that happens more than I would like!). That’s the challenge of living as close to the bone as I do. I always manage to have enough, but the ability to be reckless with income eludes me.
Lying in bed this morning, I kept seeing that trust fall image.
Last night, we had a lively discussion around this paragraph from Chapter 26, Section VI, The Appointed Friend: “Anything in this world that you believe is good and valuable and worth striving for can hurt you, and will do so. Not because it has the power to hurt, but just because you have denied it is but an illusion, and made it real. And it is real to you. It is not nothing. And through its perceived reality has entered all the world of sick illusions. All belief in sin, in power of attack, in hurt and harm, in sacrifice and death, has come to you. For no one can make one illusion real, and still escape the rest. For who can choose to keep the ones that he prefers, and find the safety that the truth alone can give? Who can believe illusions are the same, and still maintain that even one is best?”
This is, as Jim put it, a “provocative” statement.
“Anything in this world that you believe is good and valuable and worth striving for can hurt you, and will do so.”
In my estimation, It is about remembering not to get sucked into form. The world of matter is illusion. Still, I get upset when my bank account is empty. My stomach complains when I fail to feed it. We may not be our bodies, but if I hold my breath too long, I will pass out and then involuntarily end up taking one. The illusion is a persist one. It seems real. And as the Course tells, “It is real to you.”
We are, each one of, at the mercy of our beliefs. It is done unto us as we believe and the “reason” for the Course is to train our minds to see past illusions.
We are in Heaven right now, but it’s easy to fail to notice that when I’m busy keeping illusions alive.
We are dreaming, but I for one, manage to forget this almost constantly.
Lately, I find myself reaching for Emma Curtis Hopkins definition of forgiveness, which is the exchange of illusions for Truth. (Giving Truth for illusion.)
“Forgiveness is the great release from time. It is the key to learning that the past is over. Madness speaks no more. There is no other teacher and no other way. For what has been undone no longer is. And who can stand upon a distant shore and dream himself across an ocean, to a place and time that have long since gone by? How real a hindrance can this dream be to where he really is?” says the Course.
In truth, all of this is already over. Illusions continue in this world and yes, to those of us who forget who we are, it seems very real and quite important. Personally, I have to remind myself over and over that only the love is real.
I think the temptation is to become cynical and think, well if none of it is real, what does it matter? The point is not that the temporal is meaningless. The point is that the love is eternal. Miracles are our birthright because extensions of love are what matter.
So as I practice trust falling into the arms of the Divine, into Reality, I remind myself that the Love never left and it is only fear (which is MY responsibility see Chapter 2) that blocks me from being able to experience it. So, even though in Reality there is nothing to choose because there are no illusions in Reality, most of the time I forget that, and so yes, I must choose again.
It is the only way to wake up from the nightmares. Trust fall.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.