Tired of Speaking Sweetly

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Tired of Speaking Sweetly

It’s a one-step back sort of day; the kind of day where some inner child trembles in apprehension of what seems to be coming   I secretly fear that God is tired of speaking sweetly.  My weekend is already over half over and I find that I am perched on the precipice of disaster as I fail to complete the tasks I needed to complete this weekend.  I am reaching the point in my life where some days I can only stand to put in so much effort and so sometimes I can’t be bothered to step off of the train tracks I know I am on.  I see the lights barreling towards me and I fail to move.  I long for extra time and then squander it by surrendering to the resistance.

Surrender. I want to surrender to goodness, to ease, to allowing God to lead and not worrying about any of it.  Sometimes when I find myself not doing what I “should” be doing, I wonder how much of it is intuition telling me to “wait.”  I feel bad about it, but it’s hard to free-fall into guilt, so I just surrender to letting the train hit.

Today’s Course lesson is “God is my strength.  His vision is my gift.” Honestly, sometimes I think it’s just about learning not to let ego get so riled.  It never serves me well to allow ego to get riled.  I am dealing with other people’s drama (tenants! Why do I have tenants!) and I just can’t play.  Things are as they are: perfect despite appearances.

In my quest for Hafiz quotes this morning (Hafiz and I are recent lovers and I search for him in my lost moments), I came across this poem.

Tired of Speaking Sweetly

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.

If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy. 

Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth 

That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others, 

Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days. 

God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.

The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:

Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.

But when we hear
He is in such a “playful drunken mood”
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.

I feel like God must be tired of speaking sweetly to me because I have been ignoring His voice.  And it is not that I think for one second that God is going to manhandle me, but I do know that listening to ego is an excellent recipe for manhandling myself.  Because the universe is self-correcting and all my nonsense can take me on a detour but it can’t change the path.  The game is, after all, rigged.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending upon one’s perspective, I am too far down the path to delude myself into thinking there is anything wrong.  When my peace is disturbed, I know fully well that I am the disturber.

Events unfold and no matter how ugly the expression, I watch. knowing I am seeing beauty.  Horrible, rut-wrenching beauty, whose essence can’t be fully appreciated until its gone.

“Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth 

That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others, 

Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.”

The moments when I find myself somehow sucked into the drama, I have to step back and consciously reclaim my peace.  I can’t allow myself to be baited.  I can’t allow myself to think that I am responsible for doing anything other than standing rock-solid in Love, firmly anchored in the Peace of God.   

Ego hates it when I stop taking the bait and rip to shreds all those erroneous notions of right and wrong, good and bad.  Fear is taunting me like a bullfighter’s red cape, daring me to charge.

I don’t really think love ever gets tired of speaking sweetly.  To think that it does is merely to attribute egoic traits to the Divine.

Somewhere in the middle of all life’s messiness lies the changeless. The Course tells us, “Reality is changeless.”  It is good for me to remember this when temptation calls. “Appearances deceive, but can be changed. Reality is changeless. It does not deceive at all, and if you fail to see beyond appearances you are deceived.”

In other words, I am not really “seeing” my brother.

“The miracle is means to demonstrate that all appearances can change because they are appearances, and cannot have the changelessness reality entails. The miracle attests salvation from appearances by showing they can change. Your brother has a changelessness in him beyond appearance and deception, both. It is obscured by changing views of him that you perceive as his reality.”   

Feeling tempted is a clue.  The desire to respond with anger or condemnation is a clue. The Course poses the question:

“What is temptation but a wish to make illusions real?”

When I am tired of speaking sweetly, I’ve forgotten who I am.  I am not listening.  “God is my strength.  Vision is His gift.”

The importance of doing these daily lessons (particularly when I am aching for a skip day) is that they reinforce Truth.  Yesterday’s lesson said, “It is quite possible to reach God. In fact it is very easy, because it is the most natural thing in the world. You might even say it is the only natural thing in the world. The way will open, if you believe that it is possible.” When I act as if I need to handle things myself without God’s help, that’s a hint that ego believes there is something to be gained (suffering, in all likelihood!) from giving into the temptation to make the illusion real.  For a moment, I’ll be able to get away with blaming someone, or indulging my anger, or behaving in a shameful way.  I think there is some gain to be had.

It is okay that sometimes I am tired of speaking sweetly, but I shouldn’t allow the temptation to make illusions real to take me on too long of a detour. Because reality is changeless is a miracle already there to heal all things that change, and offer them to you to see in happy form, devoid of fear. It will be given you to look upon your brother thus.”

To say that I am tired of speaking sweetly is to say that I am tired of being happy, which invariably is masking the fear that somehow I don’t deserve to be happy, or cherished, or loved.  It is hiding the places I need to heal.

To Have, Give All to All To Have Peace, Teach Peace to Learn It

Perhaps I am not tired at all.  Perhaps, I am just learning.

Namaste, my friends, Namaste.


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