What if I were able to see the perfection in everything? It’s a tantalizing question and one that begs me to release the frustration I presently feel over the perform issues of doing anything on my website on the day when, for the first time in three weeks I am endeavoring to write. In our Tuesday Night ACIM group, I often repeat that God is always present; a reminder that it’s not as if in some situations God decided to sit this one out. That which is omnipresent does not have gaps. As we read last night, “There is no time, no place, no state where God is absent.” God is always there. There is no gap. There CAN’T be a gap. My inability to reclaim the peace that is mine is actually arrogance; it is thinking that I know better than God (because, you know, I am SO SUPERIOR at handling things). Even amid illusions, even amid so-called tragedies and atrocities, the Holy Spirit is busy purifying things. That which has the appearance of being unlike God is shit we made up.
We still get to miscreate if we want, but miscreations are our illusions. There is nothing permanent about them. And yeah, I know ego wants to scream, “That’s not true!” and bring up murders and wars and all manner of death and destruction, but those are its miscreations. As my old English teacher used to say, you can’t use the word you are defining to explain the definition.
We frequently refer to ego like it is this separate thing, this scapegoat that can be pointed to as the source of the “bad” is the world. BUT THERE IS NO SEPARATION. Ego doesn’t actually exist. It is this tiny mad idea that we use to play at being all-powerful but in a destructive way. We discussed this last night. When I stop trying to believe in gaps, when I stop thinking that I can be separate from God, or my brothers, then in that moment it becomes clear to me that all this talk of ego is tilting at windmills. I can tire myself out fighting the imaginary but I will never discover the peace that is already mine for the having while I am doing it.
It’s all rather exhausting to contemplate.
When I realize what I am up to, I wonder why I am wasting so much time and energy on illusions.
In the Clarification of Terms it says this of the ego, “What is the ego? Nothingness, but in a form that seems like something. In a world of form the ego cannot be denied for it alone seems real. Yet could God’s Son as He created him abide in form or in a world of form? Who asks you to define the ego and explain how it arose can be but he who thinks it real, and seeks by definition to ensure that its illusive nature is concealed behind the words that seem to make it so.”
This is no gap. I often pretend there is, I speak of ego as if it were real, but the true is that while I am doing so, I am lost in illusion.
Albeit a very persistent one.
The “problem” with buying into it is that it helps me to stay lost. It helps me blame and eschew responsibility, and complain, and lean on the excuse of appearances to support bad behavior.
The Course tells us that all of this can be traced to the fear of God. We’ve attempted to steal the throne and we think that once He figures it out (because we are so good we can actually fool God!), He is going to be pissed!
It’s what the Course refers to as “the authority problem.”
But God knows His Son. God knows we are off playing make believe and that sometimes we make horrors than frighten us and make us think we are guilty. Yet, the truth is so much more beautiful than that. Love does not judge. It does not condemn. We are each the prodigal son returning to our Father and discovering not recrimination but a feast rooted in eternal joy and happiness at our return.
It simplifies life immensely. It means that no matter what is happening, I don’t need to fight it. I don’t need to think it should be different. I don’t need to beat myself up, or feel guilty, or make anyone or anything wrong.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false.”
And because “God will do His part if you will do yours, and His return in exchange for yours is the exchange of knowledge for perception,” the “answer” is simply willingness.
So rather than feel bad about all the days of not writing, or frustrated by my website’s inability to behave as I think it should, or judge the appearance of having been sick for the last several days, I can just relax and enjoy the show. In Reality, where there is no gap and separation doesn’t exist, “I need do nothing.”
And that seems so much easier than trying to control everything!
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.