I love fall. There is something about the cooler air that makes me want to move my body and get things done. As a teenager, it meant new projects – sewing and knitting, and I remember clearly the anxious excitement I felt wanting to explore and create and the challenge of reining in that energy long enough to actually complete a project, especially since I am better at beginnings that completions.
I was always enough of a loner to care more about nurturing my soul than what others might think of me, so even at 16 I wasn’t the least bit concerned if my creative endeavors were “cool.” I used to make a lot of my own clothes. When you don’t care if you fit in, it gives you permission to listen to your muse. It probably didn’t hurt that much of the Swiss stuff was not to my taste and expensive. I was never exactly a fashion diva.
The cooling weather takes me back to that place of pulsing creative energy, and although here in Albuquerque, the days are hardly nippy yet, I still like to pause to breathe in the serenity I feel paired to morning air. There is something about it that pulls me into appreciation. I slow down and discover sacredness. It is the stuff of poetry and music, art and meditation. I can feel the presence of the Divine. I am filled with Love. Human that I am, I find myself wanting to grasp, to cling – to find some way to suspend the ephemeral into permanence.
Instead, I pause. If I am present, I know that at least some of this can travel forward with me into the tasks of the day. I am always shocked by how quickly I can lose this peace with a shift of attention toward the quotidian. It is why I’ve appreciated Buddhist teachings over the years: when laundry and dishes are sacred acts, it increases the likelihood that the reverence can survive the phone calls and interactions that include “others.” I awoke this morning in acute awareness that such thinking is an attempt to make separation real. If I deny that you and I are one, then I have license to behave less than lovingly.
Too bad I can’t get away with anything anymore!
Jay was grumpy this morning, irritated by entering the kitchen this morning and discovering Beau’s gift of a dead bird in his path. He was after coffee not carrion. As I kissed away his irritation, I wondered where it was that I was attached to my own trials and tribulations. Life is a mirror. I can’t see things in him that don’t exist in me. Am I really so attached to grumbling?
The days are counting down. I know I cannot spend another morning lost in writing when there are bills to be paid and efforts that are needed if I am to secure income beyond next week’s closing. As lovely as it is to act as if I earn my living writing, I haven’t even managed to do what I must for exposure and increased readership numbers. The danger arises when I want to beat myself up for these things instead of doing the things I am called to do. So clever the ego, acting as if God is absent from the equation. How easily I want to slip into making things harder than they need to be (perhaps because I am so practiced at the victim piece).
It’s all right there. What was it Paul Williams said?:
“The first law of economics of energy is: you get what you need.”
The easiest way to get what you need is to get rid of what you don’t need, so the energy can flow. I’m all about the flow of energy lately. I remember my favorite haiku.
“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, Spring comes, and the grass grows, by itself.” – Matsuo Bashō
I stop. I breathe in the day. Life is waiting. Time to go in.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.