The Edge of Awakening

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Sometimes I feel as if I’m almost there.  Now, in truth, I recognize that I am already there and what I really mean is that there are moments when I can actually feel it, see it, savor it, enjoy God’s Peace and Love.  Lately, I feel like my life is a test.  The same old, same old comes up but do I react in the same way?

Last night, at our Tuesday Night ACIM group, we read, “The Holy Spirit offers you release from every problem that you think you have. They are the same to Him because each one, regardless of the form it seems to take, is a demand that someone suffer loss and make a sacrifice that you might gain. And when the situation is worked out so no one loses is the problem gone, because it was an error in perception that now has been corrected. One mistake is not more difficult for Him to bring to truth than is another. For there is but one mistake; the whole idea that loss is possible, and could result in gain for anyone. If this were true, then God would be unfair; sin would be possible, attack be justified and vengeance fair. “

Suddenly, it felt as if I’d found the solution – the master key I’d been seeking. Intellectually, I’ve known that the answer is the Atonement; the only “problem” is that we think we are separate when we are not (lesson 79 says, “The problem of separation, which is really the only problem, has already been solved. Yet the solution is not recognized because the problem is not recognized.”).  Yet somehow, I couldn’t totally “get” the answer because I hadn’t totally experienced the answer.

“Every problem is an error. “ Errors occur at the level of perception.  If I perceive a “problem,” then I have perceived incorrectly.  It is not the “problem” that needs to be eradicated; it is my perception that needs to be shifted.

Lesson 80, Let me recognize my problems have been solved, says, “If you are willing to recognize your problems, you will recognize that you have no problems. Your one central problem has been answered, and you have no other. Therefore, you must be at peace.”

Last night, as ego tried to devise a scenario that proved the exception to the rule (thus discrediting God), I saw how flawed the ego’s thinking was/is.  Lesson 130 says, It is impossible to see two worlds. It says, “Perception is consistent. What you see reflects your thinking. And your thinking but reflects your choice of what you want to see.”  When we seek for exceptions to the rule, we are saying that we don’t want the rule to be true.  We are trying to KEEP our illusions.

This is mind-blowing.  I honestly have a hard time even staying with the thought because I end up feeling so high that it’s hard for ego to rush in with its excuses.  Ego WANTS to be irritated.  It WANTS to make God wrong and list its “yes, buts.”  None of that matters.

Awakening is not in the future.  There is no future.  There is only NOW and the peace I am seeking is all around me.  When I stop seeing another world, the world ego makes, the world of separation, then all that struggle disappears.  God is easy.  When I think otherwise, it is time to recognize that I am not really thinking at all. I am wanting to keep my little piece of hell (the specialness I refuse to surrender to God) because some part of the false image I have made of myself thinks my answer is superior to God’s.

From last night’s reading: “You who believe it safe to give but some mistakes to be corrected while you keep the others to yourself, remember this: Justice is total. There is no such thing as partial justice. If the Son of God is guilty then is he condemned, and he deserves no mercy from the God of justice. But ask not God to punish him because you find him guilty and would have him die. God offers you the means to see his innocence. Would it be fair to punish him because you will not look at what is there to see? Each time you keep a problem for yourself to solve, or judge that it is one that has no resolution, you have made it great, and past the hope of healing. You deny the miracle of justice can be fair.”

The solution is to see who it is I am dealing with.  I am dealing with God.  Every brother whom I think of as separate is really God’s son.  He is me.  We are one.  Once I see that, then all problems disappear.

“Think not the limits you impose on what you see can limit God in any way.”

“Fear must make blind, for this its weapon is: That which you fear to see you cannot see. Love and perception thus go hand in hand, but fear obscures in darkness what is there.”

To see purely, rightly, I must love purely.  I must relinquish all desire for guilt and allow the innocence to be witnessed.  This extends to EVERYONE.  Even those whom I think are idiots.  Every idiot is just a hint at what I have yet to surrender.

It’s okay that I do this imperfectly.  It’s okay that I am still at the edge.  Every day, I inch a little closer.  Every day, my desire to embrace God’s gifts to me grows a little stronger.  I don’t need to exclude anyone.

Excluding anyone, leaves me outside the gates of Heaven.  It’s time to enter.

Namaste, my friends, Namaste.



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