Somehow amid the push and pull of work and life this week, grievances crept in. I didn’t consciously invite them, but several times over the course of several days, I heard myself telling anyone who would listen the story of how tired I was and how chaotic the office is and how hard doing shorts sales is, etc. etc. In other words, I was complaining. I didn’t mean to be. It wasn’t like it was an item on my to-do list, I am just tired. And the sad part is that it has been happening more and more lately. Even after carving out the entire morning to write and study the other morning so I would feel renewed, grievances still crept in. Somehow or another, I failed to be vigilant for God and His Kingdom and I allowed ego to hijack the day. I was irritable. A little cranky. I told way too many people how exhausting it is to work in the tornado that our office often is.
I lost my sense of appreciation. I need to return to gratitude.
Luckily, I have begun rereading Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings by Lynn Grabhorn and she has reminded me that the key to it all is feeling. This book is like the missing link that appeared after The Secret and the Law of Attraction craze hit a few years back. It is the reminder that we are all vibrational beings and that what we put out vibrationally is what we get back vibrationally.
As ye give, so shall ye receive. Only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation.
Life is a boomerang.
See, even though we (by which I mean I) know this intellectually, I tend to forget that it is a feeling thing. I forget sometimes that I am a magnet and that what I put out emotionally is what I get back. In other words, it is a super-bad idea to be a piss monkey unless, of course, I am feeling so bored by life that I just have to invite in some drama.
Allowing grievances to creep in is give away the peace of God. It is an invitation to chaos/ego/a crappy life.
Yesterday, after yet another day of feeling like I the office is located in tornado alley, I stopped and met a friend for coffee. I was harried by the time I went to pick him up. Even though I have supposedly sold my son’s house and I closed on a house yesterday, I was so peace-deprived by the time I arrived on this doorstep that he immediately ask me what was wrong. Good things were happening but instead of allowing gratitude to be my predominant feeling tone, I was focused on the whirlwind of the office energy where things move fast and I often feel like a kid with short legs trying to keep pace with gazelle of a mom.
I let grievance creep in.
Odd that I never made that one of my go-to lessons.
It wasn’t until we were settled in chatting a while, and I brought myself back to the present moment, that I remembered that my goal is always peace. My task is always love. My mantra is joy.
I need to let go of the idea that to be successful, I must be entrenched in chaos. I must vibrate at a higher frequency so that I attract that energy.
“It is as sure that those who hold grievances will suffer guilt, as it is certain that those who forgive will find peace. It is as sure that those who hold grievances will forget who they are, as it is certain that those who forgive will remember.”
It all goes back to feelings. How do I want to feel? What is my goal? (“The clarification of the goal belongs at the beginning, for it is this which will determine the outcome.”)
By the time I finished having coffee with my friend and chatting for a while about life and how practical the Course is, I found my vibration had shifted and I was back to gratitude. I had let go of grievances and any insane notion that I needed my laundry list of complaints to provide a buffer against further chaos. My friend reminded me, “Giving it is how you keep it.” (He’s a Course guy.)
Life is a boomerang.
“To have peace, teach peace to learn it. “ I am the one who is responsible for my own vibration, for my own feelings.
“I could see peace instead of this.” Life doesn’t have to be a tornado. I can be the calm in the middle of the storm. I just have to choose it. I just have to remember who I really am. I have to quit allowing grievances to creep in and focus on the goodness. What you focus on expands.
Expand goodness, not grievances.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.