I am out of practice. I am here to own that. About a year ago, I was invited to speak with the teen group about my spiritual practice because mine was so strong I was considered a good role model, so it is a little shocking to me how lax I have become. I have allowed myself to be seduced by worldly distractions. It’s not like I have forgotten God but I notice that I want to feel guilty (ego) so I know I have a lot of forgiveness work to do.
Those of us who study A Course in Miracles understand that the whole journey is one of returning to innocence. It is letting go of the guilt. It is allowing the foibles of being human to be visible unapologetically. Owning my flaws feels very vulnerable. It feels like I should feel bad about them. Instead I reach for humility, knowing that while there are parts of me that I need to work on, I need to be okay with where I am. That’s what love does. It’s about acceptance. It’s about willingness to be as I am while surrendering to where God would have me be.
I am a student of the Course, so I know that I am here to remove “the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence.” I am here to learn Atonement. (“The sole responsibility of the miracle worker is to accept the Atonement for himself.”) It’s about undoing. (“Miracles represent freedom from fear. ‘Atoning’ means ‘undoing.’ The undoing of fear is an essential part of the atonement value of miracles.”)
Atoning is letting go of the dream of separation. It’s accepting the oneness of everything and everyone. It’s about love as the only purpose.
So somewhere in the middle of judging tendencies, I invite them to sit with me so I can look at them and invite them to be healed. Wherever I am is fine.
Occasionally, I have the mind-blowing experience of seeing Christ in those around me. Most not, but I catch glimpses here and there. It’s hard to see what looks like “sin” and remember that I do not know what anything is for.
I have to remind myself that every face is God.
It occurs to me that if I remembered that, I would gaze at others with such love that they would feel themselves drenched in God’s love. I would be in love with everyone. I want to be, but you know, people and all. We are all so flawed.
In the Manual for Teachers it says, “It is necessary for the teacher of God to realize, not that he should not judge, but that he cannot. In giving up judgment, he is merely giving up what he did not have. He gives up an illusion; or better, he has an illusion of giving up. He has actually merely become more honest. Recognizing that judgment was always impossible for him, he no longer attempts it. “
So I practice giving up judgment and then notice how easily I return to making myself guilty because I’m not that good at it.
I am out of practice. In a sense, it’s like meditating. It’s not that no errant thoughts occur, only that you get better at noticing their arrival and shoving them aside.
I cannot judge and so I have the illusion of giving up. This is what acceptance feels like.
Damn. I am out of practice.
Today’s lesson is Let me forget my brother’s past today. Let me return to the innocence that was always here and allow God’s love to drench us both.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.