I feel like I am unraveling a riddle. As I do these final lessons I am continuing to listen to the Manual for Teachers as I drive anywhere and last night I spent the night dreaming of the paradox of praying to heal, but needing the faith that the healing is already done for it to work. I am grateful for the faith I have; grateful that it is getting stronger and easier, but it is still a puzzlement of sorts. Yesterday, my lower back was aching along with the varicose veins in my legs. The Manual says very clearly that healing is certain. “Healing is always certain. It is impossible to let illusions be brought to truth and keep the illusion.” Furthermore, the Course makes it sound so easy. “1 Healing must occur in exact proportion to which the valuelessness of sickness is recognized. One need but say, ‘There is no gain at all to me in this’ and he is healed. But to say this, one first must recognize certain facts. First, it is obvious that decisions are of the mind, not of the body. If sickness is but a faulty problem-solving approach, it is a decision. And if it is a decision, it is the mind and not the body that makes it. The resistance to recognizing this is enormous, because the existence of the world as you perceive it depends on the body being the decision-maker. Terms like “instincts,” “reflexes” and the like represent attempts to endow the body with non-mental motivators. Actually, such terms merely state or describe the problem. They do not answer it.”
There is no gain. I give it to You, Lord.
In our western world, where we think of things “out there” as instruments of healing, it is a huge challenge to bypass the need for medicine and simply allow healing to occur. I have a fervent desire to master this and knowing that I have that desire, I know it is done.
It is only the fear that keeps me from it. It is threatening to ego to let go of the use of the body as a means to solve problems. One has only to study You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay to understand the many ways the body is used for this purpose.
All problems stem from the belief that we are separate from God, that we are our bodies. As the Course says, ”The resistance to recognizing this is enormous, because the existence of the world as you perceive it depends on the body being the decision-maker.”
It’s very threatening. And it arouses anger to be told, as the Course says, that “Sickness is a decision.”
It pisses us off because we can’t see what it is that we have been hiding from ourselves. We didn’t consciously put in a prayer request for cancer or diabetes or varicose veins or thyroid issues. We didn’t consciously ask for any of it. Lesson 136 says that “Sickness is a defense against the truth.”
“8 How do you think that sickness can succeed in shielding you from truth? Because it proves the body is not separate from you, and so you must be separate from the truth. You suffer pain because the body does, and in this pain are you made one with it. Thus is your “true” identity preserved, and the strange, haunting thought that you might be something beyond this little pile of dust silenced and stilled. For see, this dust can make you suffer, twist your limbs and stop your heart, commanding you to die and cease to be.
“9Thus is the body stronger than the truth, which asks you live, but cannot overcome your choice to die. And so the body is more powerful than everlasting life, Heaven more frail than hell, and God’s design for the salvation of His Son opposed by a decision stronger than His Will. His Son is dust, the Father incomplete, and chaos sits in triumph on His throne.”
I see it. I understand it. I even agree with it, but it is still a conundrum because I haven’t yet arrived at the place where I can let go of it and be healed. I don’t know why. What I do know is that having prayed for it, I have in fact been healed, and that my failure to see the results of the healing is not an indicator of the lack of healing; it is an indicator of my lack of ability to accept the healing in place of what I have been using the body for. On some level, I have been using the body as a means to solve a problem (out there) and that I must not be willing (yet) to let go of that or I would be healed.
“No teacher of God should feel disappointed if he has offered healing and it does not appear to have been received. It is not up to him to judge when his gift should be accepted. Let him be certain it has been received, and trust that it will be accepted when it is recognized as a blessing and not a curse.”
The temptation is to continue to pray – to return to my old beseeching programming, but the issue with that is that it indicates the root of the problem – how to have faith that it is already done. To continue to pray on it is like saying I don’t trust God, that I don’t think He heard me or I don’t think I am worthy.
“Healing cannot be repeated. If the patient is healed, what remains to heal him from? And if the healing is certain, as we have already said it is, what is there to repeat? For a teacher of God to remain concerned about the result of healing is to limit the healing.”
Returning to Lesson 136, I repeat the affirmation it contains, “Sickness is a defense against the truth. I will accept the truth of what I am, and let my mind be wholly healed today.”
This holy instant would I give to You.
Be You in charge. For I would follow You,
Certain that Your direction gives me peace.
And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me. If I need a thought, that will He also give. And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him. He is in charge by my request. And He will hear and answer me, because He speaks for God my Father and His holy Son.
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As if to prove to me just how simple it can be, a client of mine who also happens to be one of my Course students told me that he decided he needed to give up tobacco and alcohol and so a few weeks back, he gave it to the Holy Spirit. He immediately lost the taste for both of them and started to feel violently ill in the presence of either.
There is no gain to me in this. I give it to You, Lord.
I don’t need to keep praying as if I think God can’t be trusted. I just have to have the confidence that God knows what God is doing and that it is in fact done.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.
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