How easily I have fallen back into my old slacker habits! The up side to this is that I spend a good portion of every day in prayer. I have to. I go around feeling bad. I think about Anthony Bourdain’s recent suicide and I understand too clearly how deceptive appearances can be. I am forever posting positive quotes and reiterating the ideas I need to learn, but that doesn’t mean I am in constant joy. Quite the opposite. That’s WHY I infuse my Facebook page with positive quotes, I’m trying to remember them throughout the day. For while I personally don’t feel suicidal, I do find myself conscious of the psychic pain born from resisting what is. Appearances deceive. I am grateful for A Course in Miracles and my Practitioner training. I just completed a class on Emma Curtis Hopkins and although I found it a strain to complete the work and was glad when the class was finally over, I am eternally grateful for having taken it because as my final project, I did a kinesthetic anchoring of the twelve lessons she taught and I find I use them daily. It helps. “Step back and let Him lead the way,” I repeat daily, but I still too often feel like I am trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole. Which is NUTS! How can I be perched on the edge of misery when, as the Course says, “Love leads so gladly”?
Lately, I am trying to consciously court joy. The habit of feeling vaguely afraid (it’s so subtle!) pumps like some poison through my veins. Its presence is enough to keep me from feeling good (joyous) but mostly I suspect it isn’t something you could tell just by looking at me. It’s just there, in the background like a siren’s lure calling me towards craggy rocks. I am trying to embrace all that is, even when I don’t particularly like it. Fear breeds courage, after all, which I CAN be thankful for.
Lately, I feel like I am getting a lot of hints that I need to return to writing daily and focusing more energy on that. I want to spend more time doing what I love and less time on what I think I need to do to earn a living. (And why don’t we teach our kids to chase their passions rather than security? This morning I came across this quote: “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” – Albert Schweitzer.)
I am also aware that it is a trick of ego to think that the answer lies in changing something “out there.”
“No one in this distracted world but has seen some glimpses of the other world about him. Yet while he still lays value on his own, he will deny the vision of the other, maintaining that he loves what he loves not, and following not the road that love points out. Love leads so gladly! As you follow Him, you will rejoice that you have found His company, and learned of Him the joyful journey home. You wait but for yourself. To give this sad world over and exchange your errors for the peace of God is but your will. And Christ will always offer you the Will of God, in recognition that you share it with Him.
You wait but for yourself.
“Love leads so gladly.”
Many days, when I notice how I am listening to ego and definitely flitting around in a lower vibration than I want to be flitting around in, I understand why the Course is really a course in mind training. A few days back, I restarted the daily lessons because the Teachers of God Foundation have a class called ACIM 365 which they gave me for free for signing up for a few of their other classes. Today’s (day 3) is I do not understand anything I see. I honestly have no idea why I try to figure things out. Seems like it would be more peaceful to just remember God knows and He’s got my back.
“Love leads so gladly,” but am I listening?
So, as I once again find myself in the position of abandoning my writing time because the day is pressing, I repeat this idea to myself – “Love leads so gladly.” God wills that I be happy. God wants me to find the joy in life, to suck on the juice, to see the love that was always there. Everything is a gift.
As the Course explains of the undoing process:
I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace.
I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.
I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.
I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.
I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me.
“Love leads so gladly” so I will step back and let Him lead the way.
Or at least I’ll try. And if I mess it up (which I likely will), I’ll just treat it like I do meditation, where I bring my mind back from its wandering. This is, after all, a course in mind training.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.