Lesson 51: Reviewing the Lessons and Learning Not to Resist

Share the joy
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Feeling Bad

Feeling Bad

Today we start the review periods for A Course in Miracles. I’ve never been a big fan of these lessons (it’s where I usually stop doing them) so it will take some persistence to power through the next ten days.  Yet, I know there must be a way to embrace what is being offered; only my ego stomps in resistance.  Spirit knows that whatever is in front of me is for me.

Sigh.

Today’s lesson:

Lesson 51

The review for today covers the following ideas:

(1) Nothing I see means anything.

The reason this is so is that I see nothing, and nothing has no meaning. It is necessary that I recognize this, that I may learn to see. What I think I see now is taking the place of vision. I must let it go by realizing it has no meaning, so that vision may take its place.

(2) I have given what I see all the meaning it has for me.

I have judged everything I look upon, and it is this and only this I see. This is not vision. It is merely an illusion of reality, because my judgments have been made quite apart from reality. I am willing to recognize the lack of validity in my judgments, because I want to see. My judgments have hurt me, and I do not want to see according to them.

(3) I do not understand anything I see.

How could I understand what I see when I have judged it amiss? What I see is the projection of my own errors of thought. I do not understand what I see because it is not understandable. There is no sense in trying to understand it. But there is every reason to let it go, and make room for what can be seen and understood and loved. I can exchange what I see now for this merely by being willing to do so. Is not this a better choice than the one I made before?

(4) These thoughts do not mean anything.

The thoughts of which I am aware do not mean anything because I am trying to think without God. What I call “my” thoughts are not my real thoughts. My real thoughts are the thoughts I think with God. I am not aware of them because I have made my thoughts to take their place. I am willing to recognize that my thoughts do not mean anything, and to let them go. I choose to have them be replaced by what they were intended to replace. My thoughts are meaningless, but all creation lies in the thoughts I think with God.

(5) I am never upset for the reason I think.

I am never upset for the reason I think because I am constantly trying to justify my thoughts. I am constantly trying to make them true. I make all things my enemies, so that my anger is justified and my attacks are warranted. I have not realized how much I have misused everything I see by assigning this role to it. I have done this to defend a thought system that has hurt me, and that I no longer want. I am willing to let it go.

 

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My ego wants to convince me I know all of this stuff, but if that were really true then there would be no instances where I felt judgment and there would be no moments that upset me.  Clearly, I am better than I once was but I have hardly achieved sainthood.  I still have to remind myself to go with the flow and embrace what is happening as perfect despite my inclination to think that I could improve upon it.

Because, you know, I’m so good at seeing how all the pieces fit and all.  (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!)

So, as I try to wrap up my writing so that I can get on with all the other things I need to do today, I notice that clearly I am not thinking “real thoughts” or I wouldn’t be getting myself all stressed out.  I’m not upset because I have committed to doing an open house today and tomorrow, I am stressed out because I am resisting what is.

If I were thinking with the thoughts of God, would I feel anything but joy?

As much as I have improved over what I once was, I am not exactly blissed out 24/7 so logically I must still have work to do.

Nothing I see means anything because I’m not really “seeing.”  I have given what I see all the meaning it has for me because like most humans, I judge according to my beliefs, many of which are not true.  The truth is even though I often tackle things like I’m a damn expert (ego does that!) I do not understand anything I see; not really.  I like to think that I do, but since I’m not omniscient, and I don’t know everything that is going on, I couldn’t possibly understand it fully.  These thoughts do not mean anything because try as I may, I still suck at just allowing without assigning meaning.  I am addicted to making up stories about what I “think” I see.  Some of those stories are good, and some are bad but they are still stories.

Yesterday, as I was walking out of the grocery store and back to my car, I could hear a woman complaining to the person she was with about some other people.  I could recognize that complaining was probably not helping her to change the situation, but I had a harder time with my own judgment about how she should or shouldn’t be conducting herself.

I am never upset for the reason I think.  Even being upset over catching myself judging is still an attempt by my ego to snag me.  Anything that disturbs my peace is something I need to heal.  I listened to a friend of mine tell me how “it takes a lot to piss me off, but once I’m there, you don’t want to get in my way.”

I get it.  I’ve done it.  Getting angry is a tool I have used to manipulate the situation into looking the way I think it should.  I think many woman do this as a way of taking back their power.  But what if the most powerful thing I can do is wrap myself in God?  What if the most powerful thing I can do is blast others with peace and love?

It’s something to think about.  Clearly any time I am using ego devices such as anger or pain I am attempting to manipulate the situation because I don’t trust that I can achieve my results any other way.  It’s a little mind-blowing to think about.  I know I am noticing it in other people because it is my stuff.  I’m practicing noticing without getting upset.  I can notice it to heal it without making myself feel bad about it.

Feeling bad about things it is not a path to healing.

So, I will just do these review lessons and embrace them the best I can.  Noticing that I have resistance is just a way of seeing what still needs love (anything that is not love is a call for love).  So much still to learn.

But it’s fine, it’s okay.  I don’t want to feel bad about where I am.  I can’t be any other place, after all.  That is part of the acceptance; that is part of the love.  Right here is fine.

I love myself where I am standing.  How else can I learn to embrace all of it?

Namaste, my friends, Namaste.

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