From last year’s writing: An Idea Leave Not its Source, which is a fancy way of saving as you give, so shall you receive.
The habit of clutching is strong in the fearful. That’s why today’s A Course in Miracles is challenging for those of us who have yet to attain enlightenment: All that I give is given to myself. (An idea leaves not its source). It is folded in the concept of forgiveness, which is one of those terms that Course students have to relearn the definition of. Why is it that so much of the Course requires redefining the English language?
[For some clarification on the term forgiveness as meant by the Course, click here.]
I have been in a less than bright and shiny place the last few days. Sometimes, I can be a veritable sponge and so when those around me seem frustrated, I can suck that up faster than a parched camel. That sounds like I’m blaming the people around me and I’m too far down the rabbit hole to believe that what I see has nothing to do with me. Still, the dirt devils around me are feeding my ego’s resistance: I don’t really care who started it. But it is shocking to think that all that I give is given me since I am barely charitable these last few days and far away from the Self that is the me God loves.
This crabby bitch I’ve dealt with the last couple of days may be an illusion I created, but that doesn’t make her easier to live with.
Or as we discussed in our group Tuesday night, “Every lesson you teach you are learning.”
That quote comes from Chapter 17: Forgiveness and the Holy Relationship. VII. The Call for Faith, which begins by saying:
”1 The substitutes for aspects of the situation are the witnesses to your lack of faith. They demonstrate that you did not believe the situation and the problem were in the same place. The problem was the lack of faith, and it is this you demonstrate when you remove it from its source and place it elsewhere. As a result, you do not see the problem. Had you not lacked faith that it could be solved, the problem would be gone. And the situation would have been meaningful to you, because the interference in the way of understanding would have been removed. To remove the problem elsewhere is to keep it, for you remove yourself from it and make it unsolvable.”
To remove the problem elsewhere is to keep it, for you remove yourself from it and make it unsolvable.
I’ve put myself in a Catch-22. As soon as I pretend the problem is “out there,” I’ve made it so that I have a reason to bitch and made it so that I need rescuing.
Shit, shit, shit!
In other words, there is only a “problem” because I am fighting reality, which sounds about right to me and the only reason I’m fighting reality is that I am getting some fucking payoff. I get to play the victim, or the martyr or the hero. Whatever.
Sometimes, I just get a hair across my ass and fight reality. I try to make God wrong. I try to insinuate that things should be different than they are.
In other words, I make up problems where none really exist.
What it comes down to really is that I don’t want to take responsibility for it, whatever “it” happens to be. I don’t want it to be on me. I want it to be on other people.
(Pretend that I am not the source of the problem!)
In other words, I want to project, listen to my ego, ignore the Holy Spirit. I want to make the separation real.
How I hate it when I catch myself! It makes it so hard to hold on to my funk convincingly!
All that I give is given to myself.
Today’s idea, completely alien to the ego and the thinking of the world, is crucial to the thought reversal that this course will bring about. If you believed this statement, there would be no problem in complete forgiveness, certainty of goal, and sure direction. You would understand the means by which salvation comes to you, and would not hesitate to use it now.
Let us consider what you do believe, in place of this idea. It seems to you that other people are apart from you, and able to behave in ways which have no bearing on your thoughts, nor yours on theirs. Therefore, your attitudes have no effect on them, and their appeals for help are not in any way related to your own. You further think that they can sin without affecting your perception of yourself, while you can judge their sin, and yet remain apart from condemnation and at peace.
When you “forgive” a sin, there is no gain to you directly. You give charity to one unworthy, merely to point out that you are better, on a higher plane than he whom you forgive. He has not earned your charitable tolerance, which you bestow on one unworthy of the gift, because his sins have lowered him beneath a true equality with you. He has no claim on your forgiveness. It holds out a gift to him, but hardly to yourself.
Thus is forgiveness basically unsound; a charitable whim, benevolent yet undeserved, a gift bestowed at times, at other times withheld. Unmerited, withholding it is just, nor is it fair that you should suffer when it is withheld. The sin that you forgive is not your own. Someone apart from you committed it. And if you then are gracious unto him by giving him what he does not deserve, the gift is no more yours than was his sin.
If this be true, forgiveness has no grounds on which to rest dependably and sure. It is an eccentricity, in which you sometimes choose to give indulgently an undeserved reprieve. Yet it remains your right to let the sinner not escape the justified repayment for his sin. Think you the Lord of Heaven would allow the world’s salvation to depend on this? Would not His care for you be small indeed, if your salvation rested on a whim?
You do not understand forgiveness. As you see it, it is but a check upon overt attack, without requiring correction in your mind. It cannot give you peace as you perceive it. It is not a means for your release from what you see in someone other than yourself. It has no power to restore your unity with him to your awareness. It is not what God intended it to be for you.
Not having given Him the gift He asks of you, you cannot recognize His gifts, and think He has not given them to you. Yet would He ask you for a gift unless it was for you? Could He be satisfied with empty gestures, and evaluate such petty gifts as worthy of His Son? Salvation is a better gift than this. And true forgiveness, as the means by which it is attained, must heal the mind that gives, for giving is receiving. What remains as unreceived has not been given, but what has been given must have been received.
Today we try to understand the truth that giver and receiver are the same. You will need help to make this meaningful, because it is so alien to the thoughts to which you are accustomed. But the Help you need is there. Give Him your faith today, and ask Him that He share your practicing in truth today. And if you only catch a tiny glimpse of the release that lies in the idea we practice for today, this is a day of glory for the world.
Give fifteen minutes twice today to the attempt to understand today’s idea. It is the thought by which forgiveness takes its proper place in your priorities. It is the thought that will release your mind from every bar to what forgiveness means, and let you realize its worth to you.
In silence, close your eyes upon the world that does not understand forgiveness, and seek sanctuary in the quiet place where thoughts are changed and false beliefs laid by. Repeat today’s idea, and ask for help in understanding what it really means. Be willing to be taught. Be glad to hear the Voice of truth and healing speak to you, and you will understand the words He speaks, and recognize He speaks your words to you.
As often as you can, remind yourself you have a goal today; an aim which makes this day of special value to yourself and all your brothers. Do not let your mind forget this goal for long, but tell yourself:
All that I give is given to myself. The Help I need to learn
that this is true is with me now. And I will trust in Him.
Then spend a quiet moment, opening your mind to His correction and His Love. And what you hear of Him you will believe, for what He gives will be received by you.
© Foundation for Inner Peace • PO Box 598 • Mill Valley, CA 94942-0598
The giver and the receiver are the same. When I get all pissy, as I have been the last couple of days, pissiness is what I’m giving and so pissiness is what I’m getting.
The really sad part is things have been going just fine. There is nothing wrong.
But there is this undercurrent of dissatisfaction that has to do with a lack of faith. I want to sell my listings. I want to find a new place for Jay and I to live in the East Mountains. I want, I want, I want and obviously I don’t really think I can get what I want or else I wouldn’t be so damned pissy about it.
Which is why I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. It’s fear. It always goes back to fear.
So much of this stuff is about surrender. So much of this stuff is about letting go of trying to control anything and having faith while simultaneously owning what appears to be less than perfect.
It’s no wonder people want to throw the book across the room! It makes it so hard to cling to the illusions.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.