Inside every person you know is another person you don’t know. That’s true of all of us. We show different faces to different people. And no matter how well you think you know someone, there are some parts of them you likely don’t.
I was out having coffee the other night with my friend, Brandi, and we were talking about telling someone to “F* off.” (Primary because she’d just said it and then wondered if she’d overstepped a boundary. Not with me, silly! We are way past that!)
“You can tell if we really friends by whether or not I’ve ever said ‘Fuck you!’ to you,” I told her. “I have to trust you enough to know you’re not going to get your knickers in a twist if I tell you to go fuck yourself.”
She laughed. Her version of it has to tell them to “f* off” (she has kids; she tries to watch her mouth at least occasionally). We are comfortable enough with each to be dropping F-bombs all over the place.
We have to be really good friends for me to be that casual with you. If I say frick rather than fuck around you, chances are I’m trying to maintain some illusion of politeness.
And yet, even if we are that tight, chances are really good that there are sides of me that you don’t know. Even if we know each other well enough to read each other’s minds, finish each other’s sentences, know things about each other that you wouldn’t want shared with law enforcement (JK! Chill!), there are still some pieces that don’t get dragged out into daylight. That’s just how it is.
Inside every person you know, there is a person you don’t know.
And one of the things that happens with people you know really well is that the same people that love you, can limit you. It’s not a plot to keep you small, at least not intentionally, but when we get to relying on a person being a certain way, we become vested in them staying that way.
The people that love you know your limitations and they will keep you inside them.
That’s why it can be wise to keep your deepest desire out of the line of fire of your closest friends and family. They can either support you so much that the fear of disappointing them comes into play, or they will attempt to save you from yourself (“everyone knows she ain’t talented enough to make it in Hollywood.”).
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson; A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
I don’t know about you, but there are a plethora of excuses I can reach into my bag of tricks and pull out to keep me small. Family and friends fall into that category. If you can’t trust yourself not to use them to as scapegoats, don’t involve them.
“Inside every person you know is another person you don’t know.” That includes you. Inside of you, there is another you that you don’t know. Inside of you is another you that you have kept small because it scares the shit out of you to think you might be that powerful.
What would happen if you let her out to play?
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.