I woke up late with the feeling that settles in the moment you realize that already you (I) have messed up. You know, where you set this awesome intention and then you fail yourself. I wanted this year to be different. I wanted this year to be more disciplined and organized and, and, and…
I will not beat myself up, or lament what I should have done with moments that are over and done with. I am not a body. I am not my activities. I am not the deals I should be working on.
I recognized in my failure to arise on time this morning that my only real choice was forgiveness. I remembered that forgiveness in Course terms is not about pardoning transgressions, but about shifting my perception. It’s about realizing that I have judged when I am incapable of judging (that’s the Holy Spirit’s job). It’s about remembering who I am.
I have come to the realization that if I am to write daily, I will need to change something and since I seem unwilling to relinquish adequate sleep (I am quite spoiled that way), I am stuck with admiring the perfection of the need to be succinct. I like words so I am not always succinct. But there is value in efficiency. Thus, I have accepted that I will be writing shorter posts. I don’t even know what that looks like now that I am no longer posting the daily lessons from A Course in Miracles (they are all here if I/you want them – labeled clearly), I am left with the moment. This moment. The only moment there really is.
And I want THIS MOMENT to be one of peace, so I am learning to choose that rather than stress when it doesn’t look like I think it “ought to.”
In this moment, I pause to recognize that if I truly belief that there is no separation, then I must know that “Cause and effect are one, not separate. God wills you learn what always has been true: that He created you as part of Him, and this must still be true because ideas leave not their source.”
Ideas leave not their source.
I am the one giving everything all the meaning it has for me. (Today’s ACIM Lesson is “I do not understand anything I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place]” So why exactly am I judging it???)
The Course says, “Let us consider what the error is, so it can be corrected, not protected. Sin is belief attack can be projected outside the mind where the belief arose. Here is the firm conviction that ideas can leave their source made real and meaningful. And from this error does the world of sin and sacrifice arise. This world is an attempt to prove your innocence, while cherishing attack. Its failure lies in that you still feel guilty, though without understanding why. Effects are seen as separate from their source, and seem to be beyond you to control or to prevent. What is thus kept apart can never join.”
Anytime I think anything is outside of me (separate), I am listening to ego. I am trying to make the separation real.
Today, precisely because I am behind the eight ball so to speak, is about learning to forgive myself. It is about embracing what is without trying to impose judgments upon what should be happening upon any of it.
In the section on forgiveness, the Course says:
“Forgiveness, on the other hand, is still, and quietly does nothing. It offends no aspect of reality, nor seeks to twist it to appearances it likes. It merely looks, and waits, and judges not. He who would not forgive must judge, for he must justify his failure to forgive. But he who would forgive himself must learn to welcome truth exactly as it is.
5 Do nothing, then, and let forgiveness show you what to do, through Him Who is your Guide, your Savior and Protector, strong in hope, and certain of your ultimate success. He has forgiven you already, for such is His function, given Him by God. Now must you share His function, and forgive whom He has saved, whose sinlessness He sees, and whom He honors as the Son of God.”
Ideas leave not their source. “I could peace instead of this.” I don’t need to be stressed or upset or angry.
It IS going to be a good year.
Namaste, my friends, Namaste.