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Holy, Holy: On My Way to Yes

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Holy, holy

Torley Tester Second Life
https://www.flickr.com/photos/torley/2058372948 Holy, Holy

The Healing Time

Finally on my way to yes

I bump into

all the places

where I said no

to my life

all the untended wounds

the red and purple scars

those hieroglyphs of pain

carved into my skin, my bones,

those coded messages

that send me down

the wrong street

again and again

where I find them

the old wounds

the old misdirections

and I lift them

one by one

close to my heart

and I say holy,

holy.

–Pesha Joyce Gertler, “The Healing Time”

I stumbled across this poem the other day – a reminder of the perfection embedded in appearances that seem less than perfect at the time.  A reminder that it takes misdirections and wounds to gain strength and appreciate sorrows.  It takes the willingness to be present to the pain, to embrace.  It takes noticing where I’ve been saying “no” to life to get to the “yes.”

I’m finally to the “yes.”  And, it feels awesome.

Of course, I want to rest here.  Park my ass on its couch like some oblivious house guest who ignores the less than subtle hints and refuses to acknowledge the connotation of “visitor.”  I want “yes” to be my forever state.

And although it actually is because the universe always says yes, I’m not that exalted.  I’m not enlightened enough to immediately notice how I shut down, pal around with Resistance while we snicker and make fun of Willingness.  I wish I were; but I’m not.

So today, I say, “Holy, holy.”  Today, I take a moment to hold my mistakes up to my heart and kiss them, one by one.  Forgive myself for the need to trip and go through bullshit.  Rejoice that the blessing of them is that they carve more tenderness into my heart.  They allow compassion to have its way with me and give up my haughty ways.  Yes, today I say, “Holy, holy,” for I am grateful to finally be at “yes” and aware that I’m not perfect enough to stay there.  I know I will undoubtedly find myself once again saying “no” to life, despite my extensive education; the experience that should remind me that I know better.  It should.  It may not.

I will probably say no again because I’m human and forgetful and resistant and me.  I will want to say yes, because I always want to do the right thing, but I’m not arrogant enough to believe myself that advanced.  Not yet.  Not yet.

So holy, holy.

 

May we all remember who we are, where we’ve been, and that we are all in this together.  Holy, holy.  May you find your way to “yes.”  And although you are but a temporary resident in his household, may you get to park your ass on his couch for as long as you like, for as long as it takes to build your own “Yes” palace, where you take in strays and show them how it’s done.

Namaste, my friends, Namaste.

 

Live life

Live life

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